18 March 2008

the SD barbie email

this is a forward that's been making the rounds, and it's pretty entertaining, so instead of forwarding this to you people, i thought that i would just post it for all to see. enjoy!

*Sioux Falls Barbie*
This queen Barbie is sold only at Macy's. She comes with an assortment of Chanel Handbags, a Volvo, a French poodle named Charisse, and a Lincoln County McMansion. Plastic surgery available upon request. Hey, she has to look beautiful when she works at KELOland TV. CitiBank Ken sold separately.

* Rapid City Barbie*
This tough little sport comes with optional hiking boots or mountain bike.When she's not selling magnets at Mount Rushmore,
she can be spotted off-roading in her Land Rover or running on the bike path.
Inhaler included to give relief during forest fires.
Buy her while you can because Ken works at Ellsworth and might begetting transferred!

*Spearfish Barbie*
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Ocean . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Spearfish Barbies and the optional Hybrid Toyota, you get a "Free Tibet" bumper sticker for free.

*Aberdeen Barbie*
This "Frost Queen" comes with an entire winter wardrobe! Her parka is reversible and can be used as an emergency igloo whenever needed. Package includes a shrink for seasonal depression.

*Vermillion Barbie*
This young, hip girl actually comes with her own pepper spray. Her USD sweater is made of real wool and her Cavalier gets great mileage between the Empire Mall and Vermillion. Available keg with purchase of makeup. Ken doll sold separately with broken cell phone... he never seems to calls back.

*Mitchell Barbie*
This brassy, tobacco-chewing gal comes with camouflage overalls, Cabela's Credit Card, and a rifle. She can be found just north of town shooting pheasants and drinking an ice cold 40. Cabela Ken available with purchase of Chevy Silverado.

*Brookings Barbie*
This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan or Honda Odyssey Minivan with matching Wal*Mart sweats. She gets lost easily while taking Stacy to her soccer games and has no full-time occupation other than the PTA. Ken doll sold with matching Daktronics company car.

*Sturgis Barbie*
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, leather chaps, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ...unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about. Harley sold separately along with deadbeat Ken. Jail uniform available with purchase of Mobile Home.

*Belle Fourche Barbie*
This model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans, a NASCAR t-shirt and Care Bears tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Johnny Cash CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her Mega Ton Dodge Dually pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

*Deadwood Barbie*
She may be a 75 year-old, Brandy drinking, Virginia Slim smoking cuss, but she has more audacity than Calamity Jane. She just got out from Gambler's Anonymous and needs to get rid of some spare change. Deadwood Barbie can be found at the Monday night "Kevin Costner Fanclub" meeting just down the street from Cadillac Jack's Prime Rib Buffet. Ken comes free, but is usually working two jobs to keep a roof over their head.

*Pierre Barbie*
She comes with scooter and a state employee ID card, bowling ball, pool stick and dart case. Khakis can be rolled into capris. Ken available with purchase of fishing boat.

2 comments:

Carlee said...

That's an interesting forward...It makes me think about what I know about those towns and whether these fit. Hm...

Kasha's Knits said...

Oh my god, I LOVE YOU This just made my entire day!
I grew up in Spearfish. And yes indeed, in highschool I was the spitting image of Spearfish barbie, right down to the stickers on our toyota 4runner. And, when I smelled marijuana for the first time and KNEW what it was, my entire childhood made sense all of a sudden.
=) Thanks for the laugh! I'm sure I'll be reading your blog from now on, I live in MN now and miss the hills like crazy.