a new path

Sometimes, too much happens. Too much and not enough and maybe both and neither. I think I was in some sort of fog. Like the 18 hours after a severe concussion that you don't quite remember. When it starts to lift (and anyone who's had a terrible concussion can tell you, "it's like a fog is lifting" is about the only way to describe the sensation of literally being back in control of your mind/senses etc). you begin to feel better, but the long-term effects linger.  They seem to be gone, and then poof! --you turn your head too fast, or nod in agreement, and the world starts spinning again. You may never fully recover. It may be like that for the rest of your life - this damage, coming back to haunt you. I suppose that if you've had several concussions (one was enough for me, thanks) you know what I mean. Anyway, I was in that kind of fog for years. And much of my life was good, but the repeated blows to my confidence and to who I was chipped away and kept making me... less. I realize now that I let things get that bad because I was afraid to move on. What else would I do? Who was I without camp? I'm working on that now, and it's taking me tremendous effort. I'm trying to claim "me", whoever that is. I keep catching myself being surprised that people on the board at my new job support me and encourage me and actually give me the tools to do what I need to do.  I learned to be so good at pinching pennies and making do that when I'm allowed the resources I need to fully complete a project, I feel guilty. I feel guilty about taking time off. I can't just "be" at home, I need to be working on something, doing something. I don't know what to do with myself, so I spend my free time on call at the ambulance. 

I know I need to stop. I need to remind myself, and anyone else who feels this pain, that there is more to life. This is my reminder. I need to (gently, because it can still hurt) shake the fog off, and claim ME. It's taken almost two years to be able to say this aloud. It's going to take forever before all of the insecurities from that life go away, if they ever do, but I'm trying. And that's the best one can hope for.

when I cook

So, the other day, I was browsing Pinterest, and came across a photo of an egg that had been fried in a slice of sweet pepper.  I thought it sounded looked pretty good, so I tried it.  Maybe I should have bothered to read the directions, but I think they turned out ok.

I started by slicing a sweet red pepper so that I had three approx 1/2 inch rings.  I heated up a pan with a drizzle of olive oil, and placed the pepper slices in it.  I then cracked the eggs into a measuring cup with a spout - much easier to pour them into the pepper rings.  The only problem I had was that the egg whites went under the peppers, but since the pan was hot, they didn't completely drain.  After the eggs were in, I sprinkled the top with the Fox Point seasoning from Penzy's spices, and splashed a little bit of water in the pan to help the top of the eggs steam.  Covered and cooked for a few minutes, then enjoyed!  The only thing that would have made the meal better? Toast.  I love toast.  Overall the 'recipe' was a success, and the bits of egg that snuck out under the peppers was great to nibble as well, and very easy to pull away from the finished product, so they looked nice.  Here are some photos...

in the pan

on the plate

I like how the camera makes the plate look all liquidy in this one...

land of the flies

My office has been taken over by the flies.  They need to leave now.  This game is a fair approximation of what it's like - only no fries or sugar packets... the coffee ring is about right though...

http://majman.net/flyswatter/

have fun!

everything being equal

Happy Fall!

It's a gorgeous day here at the lake!  I'm glad it's warmed up - I was beginning to think that I was going to be an ice cube until May.  I've had many an adventure this summer, and most of you know about most of them, so I won't go into too much detail here.  I just wanted to share the photos I've been taking.  My sister had some old film, and so I busted out my Nikon SLR camera - oh how I've missed taking photos!  Here's some of the first two rolls of film (I have two more that I haven't exposed yet) on my flickr photostream: http://www.flickr.com/photos/arnorachel/

I've also discovered a fun website called Pintrest.com.  I don't know how much I'll use it, but it seems like it could be another fun organizer/time burner.  

My boss is taking a 3 month sabbatical, so I will be 'taking over' until she gets back.  So far, I'm not thinking that it's going to kill me, but I will have a lot less free time, I'm thinking.  After 20 summers of working here, I'm glad she's getting some well-deserved time off, but it means we are one more person down for hosting retreats and doing promos for camp.  At least I enjoy my job!

Oh Yeah...

I DO have one of these!  :)  Poor blog, it has been taking a back seat to everything else since November.  *sigh*  Well, a few quick updates - I am now officially an EMT.  I spent the month of January in class, and took my national written test on the 7th of this month.  Here's hoping that I never have to use the skills I learned, but I feel better about living in the middle of nowhere knowing them.  

Anywho, I've been on the search for summer staff for camp, so since January, I've been travelling like crazy.  I'm looking forward to the time when I will be staying for an entire week in one place.  I think my house is looking forward to that as well - it needs some serious spring cleaning.  I did get a good start on that the other day though, and my bedroom closets are now very organized and clean.  Now to get to the rest of the house!  :)

now I'm here...

It's been a crazy few weeks, and there is much upcoming crazyness!  I have been traveling for work - to New Jersey.  It was quite fun!  I didn't manage to take any photos, but some of my friends did, and I'll see if I can find any good ones to post for you.  This is just a short blog to say hello, I'm alive, and will be gone again for a spell. I will be traveling out west for a week, so look forward to photos and tales from that journey!

of stuff and things.

September is upon us (and nearly gone).  Holy Crap!  I don't think I like this fact.  But, there is nothing I can do to slow time, so I guess I'll just have to deal.  I had a GREAT summer at the ranch - awesome staff, awesome campers, awesome horses.  :)  It's summers like this that make me want to work here forever!  

Anyway,  as I walked to the mailbox today, I saw several squirrels scampering about, searching for food (generally acorns around here), and it reminded me of several things, but mostly that I love food.  :)  I've had some fun lately in my tiny kitchen:

First, we had a German counselor this summer, and she LOVES potatoes.  She made us some Bratkartoffeln one day, and they were soooooo good!  I decided to try to make some, so, not having internet at my house, I made up a recipe.  They turned out awesome, and when I looked them up online later, I was actually very close!

I added a dollop of sour cream, and ate WAY too much!  If you're going to make them, I suggest slightly smaller chunks of potato...

Mom & Dad have started growing heirloom tomatoes, and gave me a few.

I decided that I needed to make something, and settled on Marinara sauce.  I have no recipe for it, so I made it up.

The green tomatoes (yes, they're ripe.  I don't know the variety, but they're the ones that are green with yellow stripes) made the sauce look a bit sickly, but it was tasty!  I also baked some Italian Herb Bread that day.

I decided that the two must meet, so I whipped out the George Foreman Grill for some nummy grilled cheese sandwiches - with sharp cheddar cheese.

 When all of the ingredients were compiled, it was exquisite!

(See what I mean about the way it looked?  But trust me, it was heaven!)